Why I started My Reflections

Why I built My Reflections

I have been debating about writing this article for months; I have 3 unfinished drafts and probably the same number that were deleted. I wanted to explain why I started My Reflections and how self-reflection has shaped who I am today but this is raw for me. There is a lot to take in, but I hope that my experiences will encourage others to view self-reflection as a tool that they can use to improve themselves and to help others realise their goals, hopes and dreams.

The idea of My Reflections has been floating around in my head for many years; largely because reflection has been an important aspect of my life for many years: but for many years my reflection habits were primarily focused on my professional life; a tool to improve my work performance and outcomes as well as utilising “reflection-style” tools such as project reviews and sprint retrospectives.

In truth, I was reflecting before I knew what reflection was really, without understanding how it could be used in other aspects of my life: it was a raw yet simplistic style of reflection that evolved over time but at its core was about making micro-adjustments to ensure better decisions and better outcomes.

It was only when I needed to evolve myself on a personal level that I started to utilise self-reflection in my personal life in a constructive manner. To be brutally honest with myself and you, I tended to dwell on past mistakes in what I now recognise to be an especially unhealthy way; imagining various lives based on what if’s and almost immature regrets. It took a random, innocent question from a well-meaning family member and a moment of unexpected clarity to recognise that I was missing something that was so fundamentally important to me and yet buried so deep in my desire to make others happy. But at this moment, I decided that I was no longer willing to compromise who I needed to be for who I thought I should be for those around me.

It was mid-2016; I was married, I had moved into my dream home by the beach, I was the COO of an organisation that I loved, working long hours with team members I trusted and cared for, travelling the world for both business and pleasure and to those around me: I was living the dream. There was, however, that fundamental need I was missing: to be a dad. Family had always been important to me, to be a father, a mentor and a friend to my own child, to teach them and watch them grow into their own person, and at the same time for me to move into the next stage of my life. Unfortunately, I was in a situation where that vision was looking more and more unattainable.

Throughout this period, I spent a lot of time reflecting on how I was feeling about my situation. I had debates with myself on whether my expectations were fair and reasonable; whether I could change the situation without hurting others, whether a scary change to my situation actually gets me closer to my vision or does it actually puts it even further from reality. I tried, where possible, to remove the emotion from a highly emotional situation and to identify what adjustments I needed to make to push myself forward.

Through this process of deep reflection, I made some pivotal decisions for my life and I came to the realisation that;

: Working 60-80hrs a week and travelling frequently for work was not going to allow me the time and energy to start a family, but even more importantly would not allow me to be the type of Dad that I wanted to be: My home situation was not workable: that although I had tried to be patient and raised the topic many times only to have my needs put aside, my priorities were not going to be shared on a timeline that worked for me, if ever: By “starting again”, I will most probably not be in a position to start a family immediately, but at least I am doing something rather than hoping and waiting. It did mean that I had to accept that it might take more time in the long run and I had to be okay with that as a possible outcome: Structured self-reflection needed to become a normal part of my life if I wanted to stay true to myself and to keep moving in the direction I needed

So by the end of 2016, I had changed jobs to one where I could conceivably work from anywhere and began focusing on deciding what I wanted to do long term as an entrepreneur or leader. I had made the hard choice to separate from my wife and I relocated to somewhere that I could have the headspace to start building myself up again to align my vision with some kind of plan, in this case to Manila, Philippines.

This process of self-reflection that I had adopted became a daily routine for me. In between everything else going on in my life; new jobs and projects, studying my MBA, relocating to another country, challenging myself to be more confident socially among others, I made non-negotiable time every day to reflect.

I started my reflection sessions while enjoying my daily morning coffee by taking notes in Google Keep on decisions I had made, how I felt about their results and what I would do differently next time. At first, they were all related to the “missing pieces” to realise my dream and as I started to see a shift in how I made decisions as a result of these reflections, I started to expand my reflections to other aspects of my life; my studies, my projects, my customer engagements, my social anxieties, my physical and mental health: everything.

It genuinely changed the way that I worked and lived because I could go into professional and personal situations more aware of how I should respond to get better results; even in those areas of my that I was especially competent, I felt supercharged to do even better!

There were other side effects to this change as well that I was not expecting; I was more balanced and less stressed. I had a sense of clarity and purpose that I had never felt before and I had empowered myself to be true to myself and understand where I was no longer able to compromise.

So I am five years removed from some of the toughest decisions and situations that I have experienced in my life and returning to the question of this article: why I started My Reflections; the simple truth is that I built My Reflections because I am living the results of structured, consistent self-reflection today and I know that there are people out there who could benefit from it: a lot of people.

For me, that meant that I met my soul mate who shares my dreams for the future and our place within it. We welcomed our first child, Jaxon Alan, on the 13th of April 2020 into the World and we have spent every day with him, watching him become the happiest little soul I have ever met while feeling my heart grow every day because of our shared love as a family. I am choosing to work with people and organisations that I believe in and who never force me to compromise my core values. I am more relaxed, less stressed, sleep better, drink less, have fewer migraines and I have a focus on the things that are most important to me and my family: and in reflecting on all of this while writing this article, I do not believe any of that would be true had I not developed these self-reflection habits.

After all of the things in my life that I am thankful for I wanted to share this with other people; and so I have combined two passions of mine; self-reflection and technology to take the results of my own self-reflection journey and build an app that I hope will help others to recognise their own wants and needs and to realise them over time through structure self-reflection and micro-adjustments to their behaviours and decisions.

I am proud of what I have accomplished over the last five years and I am extremely proud of the product that I have built, My Reflections and I am excited to talk to you or anybody for that matter about self-reflection and My Reflections if that is what it takes for you to get started!